Billy Joel is a very successful sing-songwriter & if you haven't heard of him it's probably because you're from outer-space, and even then you can probably still receive easy listening radio fairly easily.
One of Joels' biggest hits has been "Piano Man", ostensibly a song describing the experience of a singer in a down-and-out bar for what could be any Saturday evening, told in the first person. The song reached #4 position on the US adult billboards and was also Joels first single; so quite the accomplishment.
Despite all of this success, I have some serious issues with the lyrics of this song, namely:
5.
"There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin"
What the hell kind of bar is this? And in what sort of bar do people do this sort of thing (gineality? booziality?) out in the open?
And why is the Piano Man so OK with it? He's just singing away as the bloke next to him is getting some post-bar action while still in the bar with his drink.
4.
"Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face"
What kind of person is this Piano Man? While the old bloke next him is mounting an aperitif, the Piano Man has one of his mates fetching him drinks at no cost, which is actually killing said friend.
Does the Piano Man care that his friend is dying from fetching his drinks? No. He just notices the emotions that his friend is displaying. The Piano Man is either an incredibly hard bastard, or has absolutely no EQ at all.
3.
"
He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes"
"
Apart from the bloke getting it on with the drinks being served, the rest of the customers at this place seem to have a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock too.
The patron in question from this lyric has requested a song while giving absolutely no queue as to what the song might be, just that he used to know it while he was wearing someone else's clothes. Almost to infuriate the Piano Man, he then indicates that the clothes he was wearing belonged to someone younger than him, as if that would narrow down the selection of songs available.
4.
"
And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
"
OK, to start with; the piano sounds like a carnival? I've heard of a piano being out of tune before, but this is ridiculous! How does a piano sound like a carnival? Is the Piano Man actually delusional and just at a carnival, or does the piano actually have rides, pop corn stands and those stupid water shooting games where you blow up balloons?
As for the microphone smelling like a beer, lets get some perspective. A microphone is an electronic instrument, mostly made out of metal. Things that smell like beer are commonly breath, clothes or couches. 2 out 3 things in that list are made of fabric, which a microphone is not. For a microphone to smell like beer, it must be seriously doused in beer to retain the smell. The Piano Man is working in a death trap and surely facing electrocution from a beer soaked, electrical microphone.
This bar is an OH&S nightmare.
Finally, the customers are putting bread in his jar. They are supposed to be tipping with cash, not bread, are they hobos? I'm starting to develop serious concerns with this establishment.
5.
"
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while
"
OK, now I get it, the Piano Man actually is a lunatic, working in a bar populated by lunatics. Of course the Manager is smiling at him, he is working for the crusty old bread that his gin-humping patrons stick in his jar while he works at risk of electrocution at a piano that is ridiculously out of tune.
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