Sign of the Times: lost in translation?

Australia's Centrally Contracted Cricketers: Revealed!

Cricket Australia (CA) announced the players that had gained Central contracts for the next 12 months this week, which essentially indicates the players that may be being picked as a priority, but may not.

It also indicates who is less likely to be picked as a priority, but this isn’t necessarily the case.  Nice one CA!

To provide a bit of an idea of who is IN and who is OUT, I’ve compiled the following:

IN:

·      Steve Smith: Captain, batting superstar and former leg-spinning “joker”.  Scores a billion runs in the middle order. Is already on lots of advertisements, so Cricket Australia is confident they can create a weakness for other teams to exploit, as they have done so previously

·      David Warner: Ex-poster boy and opener who has recently been asked to bat more in the middle order, because we don’t have enough players there.

·      George Bailey: A middle order batsman who once hit a 50 in a Test match! Is 33 years old so brings experience and risk of injury to the squad.

·      Joe Burns: Top order batsman who has been asked to open Tests and responded pretty well.  Still finding his feet (they are under his ankles) and getting used to being in the same change room as Shaun Marsh.

·      Nathan Coulter-Nile: West Australian fast bowler who can bowl quickly, if erratically.  Is possibly being given a chance with an eye to the next World Cup, though more likely because he hasn’t been injured this week and is from West Australia.

·      Patrick Cummins: Really, really fast bowler who is always injured.  Played one Test about 15 years ago when he was 8 & won it all by himself.  Continues to get a contract regardless & allowed to play Big Bash, despite the risk of further injury.  Must be great at cutting oranges.

·      Aaron Finch: Poor little bloke who has a unique condition of colour blindness where the only thing he can’t see is a red ball.  Sees the white ball fine and usually plays as an opener, but the selectors are putting middle order batsmen in those spots now.  That’ll teach him.

·      James Faulkner: The best all-rounder of the 2013/14 One Day series and a good performer in the 2014/15 One Day series who has recently become Virat Kohlis bowling machine.  

·      John Hastings: Apparently “The Duke” is “Big Hearted”, which must mean he is a relative of Phar Laps.  I don't know why horses are allowed to play cricket, I guess they are good at running.  You can use that.  Anyway, he seems as good at effort bowling as he is at sweating and hasn't been injured this morning, so should be given a game.

·      Josh Hazlewood: Fast Bowler who doesn't seem to get injured.  PICK HIM EVERY GAME!

·      Usman Khawaja: Batsman who plays in the middle order or opens, depending on how the selectors want to play with his head.  They simply didn't pick him for ages, despite incredible form, so have moved on to something new to mess with him.  Who says they are stuck in their ways?

·      Nathan Lyon: The only spinner in the squad, which puts a bit of pressure on him & is a bit weird as he isn’t an automatic pick for shorter formats, despite gaining national selection through T20 matches. A technique so elastic he seems to be made of rubber.

·      Mitchell Marsh: Western Australian bowler who is rumored to be able to bat a bit.  Could probably be picked as the 3^rd seamer on bowling ability alone, but selectors are confident they can ruin his confidence and career by making him bat at 7 or 8.

·      Shaun Marsh: Left Handed Western Australian Batsman. Has played 17 Tests for an average of 37.  His figures were blown out over the summer when he monstered the West Indies High School XI attack.  Thankfully India pulled him back to reality.  Could be the next Shane Watson, as in: picked for potential, but will probably just keep getting a contract because he is Mitch’s brother and Geoffs son.

·      Glenn Maxwell: Nicknamed “The Big Show” for reasons that have been lost in the sands of time.  In a bad sign, he is revered by selectors AND Channel 9 commentators, so will unlikely ever fulfil his potential.

·      Peter Nevill: An actual, real, breathing wicket-keeper.  Not a wicket-keeper / batsman or batsman/ wicket-keeper, and actual Wicket Keeper.  Perhaps the first sign that selectors have finally gotten over Adam Gilchrist, are back on Tinder and are going for the BEST. You go girls!

·      James Pattinson: Really fast bowler who is injured a lot.  Changed his action to get less injured but that resulted in less wickets, so he went back to the old action.  Expect more injuries.

·      Peter Siddle: A smart but not very fast bowler who gets injured a lot.  Eats a lot of bananas apparently. Is 31 years old, which is ANCIENT for fast bowlers.  Will probably move into a coaching role in the near future.  Did I mention he eats a lot of bananas?

·      Mitchell Starc: Ridiculously good and fast bowler who has been injured a lot of late.  If he can come back to form, he can win any game in any format almost on his own.  Averages 27 with the bat and has a Test high score of 99.  Apparently he can keep wicket too.  Freak. If he didn’t have the ethnic last name and dark hair, you would put your house on him being in more fried chicken advertisements.

·      Adam Voges: West Australian batsman who struggled in England when it mattered but played well against the West Indies Invitational XI and then hit a 200+ against NZ.  Experienced head who will hopefully be able to identify un-injured fast bowlers to the selectors (other than Joel Paris).

OUT

·      Adam Zampa: Young leg-spinner who had a good Big Bash (he even got a wicket using his head!) and has subsequently had good performances in shorter format games, when he was givne a chance to bowl. The same shorter format games Nathan Lyon isn’t selected to play in. 

·      Ashton Agar: Former CA love-child whose form was killed before they could put him on all the fried chicken advertisements.

·      Jon Holland: Another domestic spinner who recently took a 5-for in a Sheffield Shield Final and is available for selection

·      Cameron Bancroft: West Australian Opening Batsman.  Should be picked for these 2 factors alone apparently.  Is also young with heaps of talent in case, you know, the openers stop performing or get moved to the middle order?

·      Kurtis Patterson: See Bancroft, but not West Australian.

·      Another ‘keeper: We used to have heaps of these; Tim Paine, Matthew Wade (though his inclusion in this category is dubious), Bend Dunk (remember him? He actually played for the Australian team at T20 level!) – but don’t seem to need a back up anymore.  I guess Nevill won’t get injured as he isn’t a fast bowler.

Sign of the Times: Hungry Jacks does Product Placement

Seen in 'The Age', April 4, 2016

Sign of the Times: Darren Sammy doesn't do Biblical references

Thought of the Day: Just call it Kohli Cricket

For those of you in Australia, as well as other people that don’t know, there is a T20 World Cup on. 

Like many other short-form tournaments that Australians don’t care about, it’s also being held in India on something that is now considered a mystery; turning pitches.

Australia played poorly early on in the Tournament but managed to make it to the Semi Finals where it was knocked out by Virat Kohli.

Australia’s performance really re-enforces two major things about T20 Cricket:

1. Australia still doesn’t know how to play it; and
2. You only need one dominant player to win a game.

On the first point, it’s worth noting that Usman Khawaja was only included in the squad when it became clear that picking Shaun Marsh would result in a public linching of Darren Lehmann, James Sutherland and anyone else in a green and gold tracksuit at work. 

To summarise, it would have been a massacre.

Australia’s first foray into international T20 was a bit of a joke, with the game being a fundraiser against New Zealand, who even wore retro outfits and wigs for the game.   

Seen here, professionals

While NZ have realized the reach that the format has to bring fans (and cash) to the game, Cricket Australia seems to have left this to the Big Bash – which is doing a bang-up job of both.

For Australia to become more successful at the T20 format, an overhaul is needed to put experienced T20 campaigners in charge and bring in T20 performers above those with reputations.

One possibility would be to make Shane Watson (you read it here first) Coach and give him the ability to pick his own players, so long as it doesn’t conflict with the Test Teams requirements.

Watson is Austrlia's most experienced T20 player and has experienced success in the format internationally. For all of the sniping about him being selfish and below-par as a Test player (he was merely the best in a very poor team for a while, then average in a good team), he is a smart cricketer who players seem to listen and respond to.

The other alternative, of course, is simply to get a Virat Kohli. 

Kohli is an interesting difference, not least because he speaks sign language.

In a 20 over game, it doesn't really matter how many wickets you take if your main batsman doesn't go out and hits 8 runs an over, consistently.

The last 2 Ashes series have been decided because the 2 best players from either team (Starc, Smith) were better or worse than the 2 best players from the other team (Broad, Root).

It seems T20 has just moved this equation back to 1, and an imposing 1 if the 1 is Kohli.  Which it is and seemingly always will be.

Maybe they should stop calling it T20 and just call it Kohli cricket?

 

Sign of the Times: Myki is getting saucy

Top 5: Observations from Day 1 of the Boxing Day Test

The Boxing Day Test is one of the biggest sporting events of the year in Melbourne, Australia's sporting capital, making it a pretty big deal.

While I normally only go on Days 2 and 3 to allow for the pitch to break up a bit and the crowds to disperse, I took in Day 1 yesterday as I wasn't sure how long the Test would last based on the West Indies form of late.

The Big Deal of a day didn't disappoint, with plenty of low and highlights.  Here are my Top 5:

5. The Fence
The Melbourne Cricket Club erected a security fence around the ground in an attempt to make the ground less attractive and entering it more difficult.  Well done.

For members of an exclusive club that pay a hefty annual membership fee, this must have been a delightful experience for all.

Given that most crowd trouble at the cricket occurs in the Southern Stand, here's hoping less blanket rules are put in place in future.

4. The Crowd
The last Test between the West Indies and Australia was a one-sided event that ended within 3 days, making most pundits think that the famed Boxing Day Test wouldn't be well attended.

Stupid pundits.

Over 50,000 turned up to the game, which a large portion actually watching the game (note: no use of "contest") while others socialised freely in an environment that reminded one of Race Day.

This should be used as an example to Cricket and all Sporting administrators; if you can create an event that people can get to and are excited about - they'll go.

Revolutionary, I know.

3. The Moan
The toss of the coin was won by the West Indies, whose Captain immediately elected to field, leading to a moan by seemingly the entire crowd.

The complaint was obviously that everyone wanted to see a contest between bat and ball, which no-one expected between West Indian bowlers and Australian batsmen.

Clever pundits.

2. Burns & Khawajas awkward date
The last time I saw Joe Burns and Usman Khawaja bat together at the MCG, it was a Sheffield Shield game in which neither impressed.

Yesterday, however, was a different story with both posting centuries and putting on a 200+ partnership.

I'd rather focus on the positives of this achievement, rather than pointing out that Victoria has a better bowling attack than the West Indies. 

Burns was a delight to watch upon reaching his century, jumping in the air, beaming with happiness and kissing his helmet....and seemingly Khawaja on the neck too.

When Khawaja reached his milestone, he gave a much more low-key celebration and did embrace Burns, though with trepidition.

1. The Ambrose Rocket
Watching the West Indies playing mull about in the field dejectedly was pretty tough to watch for those of us that remember how fearsome they used to be.

There is obviously still fire in the side, though unfortunately it seems to be with the coaching staff more than the players.

Seeing Curtly Ambrose give the players an almighty spray that would make most AFL coaches terrified showed how much passion and pride (at least) he had about the game.

Here's hoping it comes to something good.