Top 5: Hysterical responses to the Ashes Test

With the First Advertisers name here Test in Cardiff over & England triumphant at least 5 hours ago, we are well overdue for hysterical responses to Australia's performance.

Who am I to deprive you?

Here are my Top 5 responses:

5. Team Outlook
Australia were completely outplayed in almost all facets by a young English team that seems to be enjoying its cricket and looking forward to it, quite the comparison to almost half the Australian side which is either expecting to retire directly after the series or in the near future.

Ryan Harris has unfortunately gone already, Chris Rogers has stated that he is done after this and Brad Haddin, Michael Clarke and Shane Watson can't have much left in them.  Mitchell Johnson may be starting to think about finishing his career in limited overs cricket and Adam Voges is only months away from being eligible for getting the special car park at the supermarket. 

This isn't a team thinking about dominating cricket for the next 5-10 years as much as dominating dominoes.

4. Player Selection
Following on from the previous response, the selection of the Australian side does ask a number of questions.  With the number of impending retirements, surely the previous Test series against the West Indies was the perfect opportunity to bring in some new players?

The only eyebrow-raising inclusion in that Series was Shaun Marsh, who has talent but uses it less than he is injured.  The latest news-feeds indicate he is unavailable for selection in England with a bad case of carpet burn.

Peter Nevill certainly should have been given a debut in the West Indies, particularly now that Haddin is neither scoring runs or taking important catches.

The lack of batting depth in the squad, Shaun Marsh is the only back-up, is particularly worrisome given that Clarke, Watson, Rogers and Voges may need to bat with the help of a zimmer frame anytime soon.  Lord knows the zimmer may be more effective than their bats.

3. Approach
Australia went into this series with a bowling attack that was being marketed as so dangerous that the US Army should probably launch a pre-emptive strike.

A great idea at the time, but the ECB was never going to help Mitchell Johnson etc out with quick an bouncy decks.  They knew it, Cricket Australia knew it and I reckon even the US Army knew it and reduced DEFCON status back down to 2.

Regardless, Australia still picked two quick but wayward left-armers who went for over 200 runs together in the first innings.

Australia also set fields expecting balls to fly off edges into the slips cordon, rather than square of the wicket where they ball was actually being played.

2. Actually, its mostly the batsmens fault...
Despite being expensive with the ball, Australia did manage to bowl England out twice and Starc & Nathan Lyon finished with 7 and 6 wickets for the match respectively. Starcs effort was particularly notable given that he was bowling off one leg for much of the second innings.

Perhaps he would bowl better still if we took the other leg away too?

Mitchell Johnson was expensive, but did manage to take a couple of wickets and top scored in the second dig.  He is looking increasingly like the all-rounder the team needs.

ahem

It was Australia's batsmen that lost this game.  Rogers aside, the top and middle order were unable to adjust to the conditions or change that ill-fated approach mentioned earlier.

After looking like it was his first time playing cricket early in Australia's second innings, Dave Warner managed to get settled and looked well set until his concentration was broken by lunch.

To be fair, a cricket helmet is a distracting lunch

Steve Smith is in too good form to not adjust or start making big scores, but the rest of the batting line up looks seriously unreliable. 

The major issue about the batting line ups unreliability and lack of depth to cover it in the squad is that there doesn't seem to be too much coming through to replace them.

1. Deja Vu of 2005, all over again?
Should Rogers, Watson and Clarke all retire in the next 6 months, Australia is going to be in some trouble.  This will only be compounded if Voges is unable to treat highly rated international bowlers in the same way he did the West Indians.

This sort of exodus is reminiscent of the the retirements that followed Australia's Ashes defeat in 2005, leaving the Test team in a miserable state of disarray.

For all the  platitudes that have been lauded on Coach Darren Lehmann since his start as the Australian coach, the Test team has struggled to successfully bring young batsmen into the side & the reluctance to drop players with middling performances (e.g. Watson, Haddin) has not assisted either.

Possibly serendipitously, the Australian A team starts its series against India A in about a week, which could help develop some greater depth in the batting ranks (at least).  

In 2013 Dave Warner was relegated to playing for Australia A against Zimbabwe after he punched Joe Root in a nightclub.  Warner was able to use that series to regain form & came back into the Test team with great success.

Here's hoping that any one or all of Usman Khawaja, Nic Maddinson, Joe Root, Peter Handscomb, Travis Head or Marcus Stoinis can find some form else the disaster of 2010/11 is very much on the horizon.