Thought of the Day: Nickname suggestions for Australian Cricketers

Following the withdrawal of Ryan "Ryano" Harris from the Australian Cricket team, Patrick Cummins was called into the squad as a replacement, regardless of his lack of fitness, First Class or Test cricket.

But that is for discussion elsewhere.

The issue to be discussed here is the more pressing issue, the lack of standards around Nicknames for Australian cricketers.

As the bastion and protector of Cricketing ethics, Jarrod Kimber, posted on the subject on Twitter this week:

Now, there were a few racist overtones associated with the first Australian cricketing tour to England, but at least they had the nicknames sorted.

Today we are faced with a depressing smorgasbord that even Sizzlers would scoff at.

Nicknames such as "Clarkey", "Hadds", "Watto" and even the Americanised "MJ" may be identifiable to the Australian public, but they are lazy and miss the point.

A nickname is supposed to give you an alternate identity, something that people recognize and are drawn in by.  It is something to inspire recognition, a familiarity that forms a bond between teammates and fans alike.

"Watto" could be any bloke on the street or in the workplace whereas "Snipper", "Mantis", "Cupsy" and "Big Dog" leave you with a sense of mysticism and fun.

I know this because I've played cricket with all of the above (apart from Watto, his loss) and they are all top blokes who took on alter-egos on the field that drew interest from opposition and supporters alike.

With this in mind, here is my list of suggestions for nicknames for the current Australian squad:
Michael Clarke
Was: Clarkey
Becomes: Access (a 'clerk' keeps records, often on a database, of which MS Access is a type - also reflects his attitude to the media)

Brad Haddin
Was: Hadds
Becomes: Spud (named after Mr Potato Head, who also has big hands and a big mouth)

Shane Watson
Was: Watto
Becomes: Whatever (I suspect it isn't worth investing the time in this one)

Mitchell Johnson
Was: Mitch / MJ
Becomes: Miyagi (based on his girlfriends Karate career)

Josh Hazlewood
Was: Joshy
Becomes:  Carbon (inspired by the Hazlewood mine fire)

Mitchell Starc
Was: Starcy / Starco
Becomes: Usain (like the sprinters running, Starcs deliveries are too quick for most)

Nathan Lyon
Was: Garry / Gaz
Becomes: n/a (he is named after Garry Lyon, as big an honor as it comes in my book)

Dave Warner
Was: Davey
Becomes: Informer (related to being "Warned", also allows you to play that song by "Snow" when he punches Joe Root or some such thing)

Chris Rogers
Was: Bucky
Becomes: n/a (it's not too bad at all)

Steve Smith
Was: ??
Becomes: Jedi (he basically is one)

Mitchell Marsh
Was: Mitch / Marshy
Becomes: Rock Dog (he is the 3rd Mitchell in the team, or 3rd M; which becomes MMM - the radio station in Australia that plays a lot of Rock music)

Feel free to argue.