Lesson of the Day: Dont take travel tips from Dave

Dave

Some six years ago, while I was preparing for my departure to London, a friend took me aside and showed me a map of the tube, pointing out the end of the dark blue line and saying "you have got to go there!".

The place was 'Cockfosters', which is at one end of the Picadilly line, the other end being Heathrow airport. My friend was obviously enchanted with either the name of the place, or the entendre that could be used by saying "I'm going to the other end of the Picadilly line".

With my departure from the UK looming, I managed to convince some good friends to get up early and make the trek with me, not easy considering Cockfosters is a place people usually visit by accident (having fallen asleep on the train etc).

The trip itself was as eventful as the place, if you can imagine the feeling of an early-morning tube ride being converted into a commuter town.

We did though, make it, and made it back to London to take in some more London highlights before my departure, namely; sitting in traffic, standing in queues, drinking at Gordons and being frustrated by bureaucracy.

Dave, if you're out there, don't ask anyone else to go to Cockfosters.

Lesson of the Day: Using a phone

When trying to ring your phone company to cancel your account, ring the number under the line marked 'Customer service and sales' rather than the number on the front of your bill. The number on the front of your bill is your own, and you wont get an answer or your account closed.

signs...again...

This one was quite a relief

More signs

Surely if you can read 'watch for' you can also read 'cars'?

Signs of the times

Odd signs are good for cheap laughs while travelling; "look how un-good thems inglish is, innit?!" etc. So I thought I'd post some of mine here.




And here is one sent in by a friend:

Stay tuned for updates...

Top 5: Kiwis claimed by Australia

Aside from the long-weekend, claiming something as 'Australian' seems to be something of a national pastime amongst my countryfolk, with particular emphasis focussed on anything from the land of the long white cloud.

One recent example is Robbie Dean, the Kiwi rugby Coach who has recently led the under-sized Wallabies into good wins against South Africa and New Zealand itself.

But Robbie is just the latest in a long list of Kiwis claimed as a dinkum-die Aussie. After a very quick filter of the list, I have come up with this Top 5:

5) Russell Crowe

Not really claimed by either side due to general Bogon-ness, and even though he owns the South Sydney Rabbitoes, his first cousin is Martin Crowe (Kiwi cricketing legend). I do like that he throws phones at people though, so will claim him as one of mine.

4) Jane Campion

Dubious as I doubt she has ever claimed to be Australian, but her films are too awesome not to be stolen as our own under the 'Antipodean' banner.

3) Alan Dale

The bolter in this pack, Alan was little known outside his performances in 'Neighbours' until he was picked up by Lost/The OC/Indiana Jones etc etc. Lesser known still was his Kiwi status.

2) Phar Lap

Of course he was Australian...

1) Neil Finn

I could have gone for most of Split Enz here, but Neil has gone on to prominence globally, so it looks better for the sunburnt country to claim him alone.

Top 5: Misconstrued words/names

I was recently talking to someone who was interested in my course and they happened to say "Oh! It's an Adult Education course", which took me back a little.

Am I the only one that things there is something possibly smutty in that? Have I become a victim of our highly politically correct times?

If so, here are a couple of gems that could be misconstrued to the speakers detriment:
5) "Adult Education": Night-school makes it sound no better.
4) "Brown": Its an innocent colour right? Right?
3) "Hang on, my pocket is vibrating": When did this become an innocent statement in the middle of a conversation?
2) "That's quite a mouthful": This list is getting dubious
1) "Come again?": OK, Ive had enough, this is becoming an episode of Graham Norton.