Top 5: Reasons Nathan Lyon could Captain Australia

This may be a little premature, but after witnessing Nathan Lyon score some handy runs at number 11 before going to take 5 wickets in yesterdays Boxing Day Test, it came to me that of all the younger members of the Australian squad; he is probably best placed to take up the Captaincy.

This may seem a little controversial given that he has recently been dropped & is also an off-spinner (seemingly something that keeps the Captaincy at bay), but there are (at least) 5 good reasons why Lyon should be considered, being:

5. He has 100 test wickets & is only 26 years old
With no offence to the man, it's hard to believe that someone that looks like Lyon is only 26 years old. Growing up in Young (NSW) must be very hard on a man.

Very, very hard.  (photo courtesy of celebrityhairstylez.com)

That being said, he has already played nearly 30 tests in 2 years and could easily play for another 10 if he keeps improving.

Extrapolate those numbers out and Lyon could play another 150 Tests and take another 500 Wickets.  This may be a stretch, but it Cricket is a game of numbers and even if these are at one end of the curve, they hint at a strong future.

4. He has been dropped (and more)
As mentioned already, Lyon has already been dropped in his career and he hails from Young.  He is obviously a man with the character (if not hairline) to overcome adversity.

Further to this, Lyon famously made his way into the Test team by rising from the ACT Comets to cutting the grass at the Adelaide oval, to the South Australian T20 team, to Australia A, to the national team.  This is a man who hasn't had the benefits of academies and beep-tests, but someone who has worked hard to get where they are - and the Australian public love a fighter.

3. He's from Canberra
While Lyon is from Young, he got his first start at higher cricket playing for the Comets in the ACT, so is already familiar with the territory of the second-highest office in the land, meaning that the highest office shouldn't be a stretch at all.

2. He has the song
"Under the Southern Cross" is the song that the Australian Cricket Team sings after it wins a game, with the leader or "holder" of the song being a highly-prized office within the team.  Justin Langer (scorer of nearly 8,000 test runs) has been quoted as saying that the moment he was given the song by Ricky Ponting as one of the most important of his career.

250 runs at the Boxing Day Test? Fine.  Singing a song? AWESOME! (photo courtesy of diminishinglucy.com)

Other holders of the song include Michael Hussey, Ian Healy and Rodney Marsh - all unquestionable leaders of the team.

The "holder" of the song obviously isn't given to just anyone, its given to a leader within the team who the other players rally around and the current holder is Lyon.

1. The Advanced Hair Rule
One of the least mentioned components of Lyons status is that of his diminishing hairline.  Well, perhaps not the least mentioned.

Similar to the position as holder of the song, cricket has a proud tradition of prominent players being hirsutely-challenged, including no-less than Michael Vaughan, Shane Warne and Greg Matthews, while other players (who may or may not be named Ricky Ponting) were also rumoured to be thinning.  Maybe.

I Googled "Advanced Hair" and this image came up. #justsayin

Lyon could easily tick this box in no-time too, perhaps enabling him to gain the "yeah yeah" catch phrase earlier in his career than anyone previously.

His future seemingly has limitless possibilities.

Sign of the Times: No ballet while Skateboarding

It's political correctness gone mad

Top 5: Reasons England could still win

With the completion of the Second Test in Adelaide in a little over 4 days, Australia seem to hold the upper-hand in the current Ashes contest, which is quite the contrast of the recent series in England.

While some pundits are now predicting Australia to win 5-0, there are a number of reasons that they shouldn't be getting ahead of themselves just yet, including:

5. Tim Bresnan
The Big Yorkshireman has been injured for the last 2 tests, meaning England has had to rely on fill-ins like Monty Panesar and Chris Tremlett to support front-line bowlers Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Graeme Swann.

He fields like he strikes terror into Australian Batsmen. Photo courtesy of guardian.co.uk

While Swann and Anderson have struggled in the Australian conditions, the former unable to get much bounce or control and the latter being unable to generate pace or swing, Bresnan has consistently played well against Australia - regardless of the venue.

Bresnan will bring an extra quick bowling option that England have missed, which will  help manage the workloads of Broad and Anderson, as well as provide some batting in the tail (which they have sorely missed).

4. The Bubble may have burst
It is no secret that the English team have been living in something of a bubble in which they are protected from the general public & criticism.  Another bonus of this bubble is that it is very well catered for (which the publication of the dietary requirements of the team proved, to much mirth) and pissing on the pitch at The Oval (without recrimination).

Having suddenly been beaten comprehensively over 2 Tests, there is a lot less air keeping the bubble afloat & the players have come back down to earth.  They know that they need to keep winning to keep their salad rolls coming & stop Joe Public from heckling them, so their resolve must surely be hardened.

England, seen here looking tougher

The Australian team came under heavy criticism after it beat India in an ugly contest, with some pundits even calling for the Captain to be sacked.  It was a pivotal moment for the team & a reality check they sorely needed.

No more cheap wickets or stupid shots should be seen from now on. This is, after all, a team that has held the Ashes for 7 years.


3. Mitchell Johnson
Like almost everyone else in Australia not named Mitchell Johnson, I had some serious doubts about this bloke going into the series, but he has taken 17 wickets at 12.  Unless he has an appalling test in Perth, he should be a shoe-in for the rest of the series & prevent Mitchell Starc from playing anything but cards for a while.

That being said, there is absolutely no guarantee that he will continue to dominate in the way that he has & a non-firing Johnson will put extra pressure on the other bowlers in the same way Tremlett & Panesar have for England. 

2. The Australian Batsmen
While the Australian bowlers have been doing well, the same can't really be said for the Batsmen.

None of Steve Smith, Chris Rogers, George Bailey or (particularly) Shane Watson have dominated or even looked comfortable.

Bailey played a one-day innings in Adelaide on a flat pitch, which he should be able to do, but otherwise scored 34 in two innings in Brisbane while others filled their boots with runs.

After forcing me to eat some piping-hot humble pie, Smith has gone back to looking quite unsure at what a "cricket" may be.

At last! I can use this photo again!

Rogers is 35 years old and seems to be good for about 40 runs per innings, which is nice (and about 10 runs more than Ed Cowan), but hardly of a Justin Langer / Matthew Hayden standard.  Lucky for him, no-one is knocking on the door.

The much criticised Watson saved his spot in the team by hitting an impressive 180 in the last Test in England, but hasn't done much with the bat since.  He is obviously a good cricketer, particularly as a bowler (has taken 1 wicket for 6 runs off 17 overs in this series), which brings us back to the old problem about what to do with him. The answer may be to drop him down the order for Smith & bring in someone who can score runs at an average of greater than 19.

1. Class
As mentioned earlier, the England team has held The Ashes for 7 years, are almost unbeatable at home and have won tough series overseas.   Their team has a good balance of proven batsmen and bowlers, and have been playing and winning together for a long time.

Put simply, a side containing Alastair Cook, Anderson, Matt Prior, Broad, Kevin Bloody Pietersen, Ian Bell and Swann are just too good to be written off

Thought of the Day: Choking in Western Sydney about to increase

The recent appointment of ex-Test cricketer Simon Katich as a mentor for AFL team Greater Western Sydney has raised eyebrows, not least because it is a cross-code appointment. 

While GWS does have some history in this field, signing Israel Folau for about 5 minutes as a player before he went back to playing Rugby, these appointments don't always end well (re: Supercoach Ric Charlesworth at Fremantle).

There is no doubt that Katich is a determined competitor who has been able to play at the pinnacle of his chosen sport, but his history of man-management (particularly of younger team mates) must be causing some concern?

Or perhaps he is just taking leadership advice that was developed a long, long time ago....

"I find your lack of faith in the team song disturbing"

Top 5: Reaons the creators of Wolfenstein 3D were strange

As a statistics-obsessed teenager from the Australian middle class masses of the 1990s, I spent a considerable amount of time in front of screens. Some of this was watching State-based One Day cricket, some of it was spent watching NBA basketball, but a lot of it was spent playing PC-based computer games & then compiling numbers on my results afterwards.

It may sound a little sad, but it was better than listening to Snow.

Some of my preferred early games were flight simulators, which was actually quite sad, as I (generally) was only allowed to 'play' for 1 hour per day & the majority of this hour was spent checking altitude.

All this changed when I discovered Wolfenstein 3D, one of the first, first-person shooter games that I came across and one that would change my world.

A one-handed life in a 2-dimensional world.  What's not to love?

For those who never moved past flight simulators, Wolfenstein 3D is a game in which your character is imprisoned by the Nazis in World War 2, but manages to overpower his guard & take his gun.  You then run around the prison (a castle), killing lots of Nazis and making your way to freedom.

It was great. It made me feel more like this:

Recently, I discovered that there was a Wolfenstein 3D application that I could download on my phone and I revisited the distraction of my youth with glee.  What I found, though, was that there were some quirks in the game that I hadn't really thought of before, being:

5. The healing power of chicken and dog food
During the game, your character can (and almost certainly will) get shot by the Nazi soldiers / guards, as well as bitten by their dogs. This causes your character to lose health points (you start with 100% health, because that's how all prisoners are OK!) which can lead to your character dying once 0 health points are reached.

To ensure you can keep going through the game, plates of roast chicken and dog food are left lying around the prison, which your character can eat to replenish their health points. 

Now, I've never been shot (except through the heart when I gave love a bad name) and I really do love a bit of roast chicken, but I very much doubt that it carries healing power to overcome bullet wounds.  And while I've never really been into dog food in any measurable way, I also doubt that its any substitute for a kevlar vest.

Above, the Nazi equivalent of morphine.  May explain the result of the war.

4. The German approach to chicken and weaponry
While on the chicken theme, it is worth noting that the aforementioned miracle-healing chicken are literally strewn throughout the castle.  They must have had some crazy rotary service going overtime just to ensure that (seemingly) every room had that lovely smell of roast chicken and rosemary.

Similar to the approach to presenting roast chickens seems to be the approach to weaponry and ammunition.  Various weapons and spare 'clips' of ammo are placed all over the castle, and not in hard to reach spots, they are often in the middle of the floor; right next to the chickens. 

Did none of these guards think to stock up on ammo, or at least clean up a bit?

The option of a delicious and readily available Holy Grail being readily available brings me to my next point...

3. The emphasis of discipline in the Nazi party
As your character moves through the castle / prison, you come across a large number of Nazis who are standing around, seemingly to shoot at escaping prisoners and take care of other standing around duties. The latter being almost entirely what these guys do until you are right up in their face.

That's right, these prison guards don't run to the next room where they can hear unexplainable gun fire, they just stand around next to their plates of chicken and clips of spare ammo.

I also love how surprised they look when you start shooting at them.

Even when you enter the room, they run in your characters general direction (often in a 'strafe' pattern, making them harder to shoot & showing they aren't just vegetarian loafs who refuse to clean up), occasionally stopping to shoot at you.

These soldiers are so disciplined, they never go for extra ammo or run for a chicken when you shoot back at them.

2. The Nazi approach to strong and weak soldiers
The castle is 'guarded' by several different types of soldiers, or more accurately, has several different types of soldiers standing around in it.

The main difference of these soldiers are their uniforms (brown vs blue vs 'special character' uniform), their weapons (hand guns vs machine guns) and their response to bullets being shot into them (die quickly vs die not-so quickly).

Now, I'm no expert on standing around in castles, or how it should be best done, but I would hazhard a guess that your soldiers that are more susceptible to death from being shot should be better armed, while those who seem to be as bothered by being shot as they do about magical roast chickens probably only need handguns (or maybe just knives and forks - they could also help with the chickens).
 
1. That idle hands brought down the Nazis
World War 2 is one of the most documented War in history, with hundreds of books and films on the conflict, including specific battles, published.  The most commonly accepted reason given for the downfall of the Nazis was their incursion into Russia & inability to be stretched across great distances and fronts.

Seen here, a Nazi killin' mofo

The creators of Wolfenstein 3D seemingly would have you think otherwise. 

After all, who would house only 1 prisoner in an entire castle that is full of ammunition, healing chickens, spare arms, and disinterested and slovenly guards? A country at war that has too much time on its hands, that's who.

Thought of the Day: Response to the Australian A Team

Cricket Australia today released the team to represent Australia 'A' in the tour game against England ahead of this Summers Ashes.  That team is:

1. Klinger
2. S Marsh
3. Doolan
4. Khawaja
5. Ferguson
6. Maxwell (VC)
7. Paine
8. Henriques (C)
9. Copeland
10. Cutting
11. Holland

My thoughts:

• Not sure who S Marsh has photos of, but Ed Cowan better start raiding his Tumblr account.
• Similarly, Nic Maddinson deserves a spot opening against quality opposition if he is to be a future opener (whereas S Marsh WAS an opener)
• Cam White, despite being player of the Ryobi Cup & selectors saying One Day form counts for something, seemingly needs to hit Bradman-level runs & possibly start bowling again. That being said, Ferguson and Doolan are a bit younger than The Bear.
• Matt Wade would be filthy, not only is he further down the 'keeping order (or is Paine an 'A' specialist?) but they have picked a spinner he can read (ie. not Lyon or Ahmed, who must want to change states now)
• Cutting and Copeland must be gutted knowing that they are behind the front line fast bowlers, the cover for those bowlers, and the covers cover in the selectors minds.
• Glenn Maxwell as VC - look for him to open & bowl half the overs...& possibly keep - before leaving after the 20th over
• There is clearly an opportunity to bat at 6 for Australia, with George Bailey being the pick from the current tour of India and seemingly everyone in the 'A' squad a chance.  The player selected would certainly be spending as much time watching the ball out of the bowlers hand as they would over their shoulder, they only need look at the treatment of Luke Faulkener as an example of the selectors faith.

Top 5: Issues with Billy Joels 'Piano Man'

Billy Joel is a very successful sing-songwriter & if you haven't heard of him it's probably because you're from outer-space, and even then you can probably still receive easy listening radio fairly easily.

One of Joels' biggest hits has been "Piano Man", ostensibly a song describing the experience of a singer in a down-and-out bar for what could be any Saturday evening, told in the first person. The song reached #4 position on the US adult billboards and was also Joels first single; so quite the accomplishment.

Despite all of this success, I have some serious issues with the lyrics of this song, namely:

5. 
"There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin"

What the hell kind of bar is this?  And in what sort of bar do people do this sort of thing (gineality? booziality?) out in the open?  


And why is the Piano Man so OK with it?  He's just singing away as the bloke next to him is getting some post-bar action while still in the bar with his drink.

4. "Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face"


What kind of person is this Piano Man?  While the old bloke next him is mounting an aperitif, the Piano Man has one of his mates fetching him drinks at no cost, which is actually killing said friend.  

Does the Piano Man care that his friend is dying from fetching his drinks? No.  He just notices the emotions that his friend is displaying.  The Piano Man is either an incredibly hard bastard,  or has absolutely no EQ at all.

3. 
"
He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes" 
"
Apart from the bloke getting it on with the drinks being served, the rest of the customers at this place seem to have a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock too.  

The patron in question from this lyric has requested a song while giving absolutely no queue as to what the song might be, just that he used to know it while he was wearing someone else's clothes.  Almost to infuriate the Piano Man, he then indicates that the clothes he was wearing belonged to someone younger than him, as if that would narrow down the selection of songs available.

4.
"
And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar

"
OK, to start with; the piano sounds like a carnival?  I've heard of a piano being out of tune before, but this is ridiculous!  How does a piano sound like a carnival?  Is the Piano Man actually delusional and just at a carnival, or does the piano actually have rides, pop corn stands and those stupid water shooting games where you blow up balloons?

As for the microphone smelling like a beer, lets get some perspective. A microphone is an electronic instrument, mostly made out of metal.  Things that smell like beer are commonly breath, clothes or couches.  2 out 3 things in that list are made of fabric, which a microphone is not. For a microphone to smell like beer, it must be seriously doused in beer to retain the smell.  The Piano Man is working in a death trap and surely facing electrocution from a beer soaked, electrical microphone.

This bar is an OH&S nightmare.

Finally, the customers are putting bread in his jar.  They are supposed to be tipping with cash, not bread, are they hobos?  I'm starting to develop serious concerns with this establishment.

5.
" And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while
"


OK, now I get it, the Piano Man actually is a lunatic, working in a bar populated by lunatics.  Of course the Manager is smiling at him, he is working for the crusty old bread that his gin-humping patrons stick in his jar while he works at risk of electrocution at a piano that is ridiculously out of tune.

Thought of the Day: Cricket Australia REALLY hates Cricket

Following on from my last post on Cricket Australia's (CA's) appalling approach to developing and marketing the game in Australia, this little Tweet came to my attention on the weekend:

That's right; over 100,000 people turned up to watch the Australian domestic soccer league last weekend, while less than 1,000 turned up to watch the Ryobi cup (the domestic one-day tournament).

Granted, there were more soccer league games being played, but even the average number of attendees at the soccer far outweighed those at the cricket games.

Keep in mind that it wasn't too long ago that the domestic soccer league in Australia was an absolute shambles and Cricket was the only summer sport, now the tables have turned on the back of some good management (soccer) and some equally poor administration (guess!).

The ridiculous scheduling of the Ryobi cup has been defended by CA as a good way of preparing players for a World Cup type tournament, though this seems odd given that the Cricket World Cup is usually played in front of large crowds.

Foreground: Ryobi Cup action. Background: Ryobi Cup crowd.

Stranger still is that the Ryobi cup ends in a matter of weeks, meaning the time between the World Cup and many of these players' next One Day game is a minimum of a year away.

Another strange excuse that CA has trotted out is that there aren't enough grounds available at the moment to host the event.  Given that all of the major winter sports have finished, I'm really not sure how this stacks up.  The American Baseball league manages to play games seemingly everyday all over that continent, why can't the same be done here?

While CA may truly hate the game, many of us don't and would prefer that it not only survived, but flourished.

Also, it helps keep Shahid Afridi well fed.

With that in mind, I'd like to propose the following changes to Cricket Australias summer schedule.  In the event of their being fixture clashes in the same city, games should be moved to appropriate regional venues to promote the game there.

Test Cricket:

• 6 Tests to be played every year from October to the end of January;
• 1 Test to be played in every Capital City;
• Each Test to be promoted as an event in its own rite (e.g. the McGrath foundations day at the Sydney Test);
• Hobart to host the New Years Test to coincide with the end of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race;
• Sydney to host the last Test over the Australia Day weekend;
• Where a 6-Test series cannot be played, 2 x 3 Test Series can be played against different countries

One Day Cricket:

• Return to a limited 3-team series to be played between the end of January and the end of February;
• Games to be played in all capital cities with a best of 3 final series;
• Games to be played mid-week, allowing people to go after work, and on weekends - limited Sunday games.

T20 Internationals:

• Limited games (1 or 2) to be played at the end of February, ending the season.

Sheffield Shield:

• Season to be played from October to end of February;
• Season to continue during BBL and other corresponding fixtures, giving opportunity to new players;
• No age restrictions on teams fielded;
• Proper pitches prepared to enable 4 day games & results.

Ryobi Cup:

• To be played mid-week or book-ending Shield games (people should be able to watch a game of cricket, free, every night);
• To be played at regional grounds with heavy promotion to ensure interest / attendance;
• Free to air coverage to continue

Big Bash League

• To continue being scheduled and played as it is, though sharing the limelight / grounds and players of the other leagues;
• Where players prefer to play T20 to other games, they should be allowed to, but not forced to.

A message to the Melbourne Football Club....

....just "find and replace" Cleveland Browns with Melbourne Demons

Thought of the Day: Cricket Australia hates Cricket

It's not uncommon for parents to have a favourite or preferred child and its not necessarily a bad thing, so long as the other child or children don't know it and aren't disadvantaged in any way.  After all, having a resentful child in the same house may pose a risk to the safety of baby Adonis.

With these guidelines in mind, it seems that Cricket Australia is a very, very poor parent indeed.

Governance, Cricket Australia style

Cricket Australia's remit is to manage and promote the game in Australia, if for no other reason than to keep themselves in a job.  Other benefits such as ensuring historical legacy is maintained, keeping the populace happy and participating in sport are also nice too - but don't pay the bills.

Now, I'm not sure how big CA's bills are, but it would appear that they must be considerable given the way that CA can't seem to look past a fast buck for the long term benefit of the game (and themselves).

The advent of Twenty20 cricket brought this apparent short-sightedness to the fore initially when CA abandoned the state-based T20 competition, removing over a century of tradition, and replaced it with a fabricated club competition.  Worse still, there were multiple clubs in some cities (e.g. Melbourne Stars and the Melbourne Renegades), causing consternation for fans around who to follow (often resulting them in following neither), while also depriving fans in other cities and towns a chance of having a team to follow.

The new T20 competition, the Big Bash, ran at a loss for its first few years but picked up last summer and seemed to get adequate crowds in and television numbers.  I don't really know, I've never watched a game; amongst other things, I still can't decide between the Renegades and the Stars.

Appealing characters and dropped catches?  How to choose? (photo courtesy of www.theroar.com.au)

Wanting to get as much out of this new golden child as much as they can, CA have now moved the schedules for their other children (One Day cricket and Test cricket) around, to the detriment of all of them.

The (still) State-based One Day competition, the Ryobi cup, has now been squeezed into a month-long tournament that is being played out of western Sydney during the middle of the week in front of crowds that The Quokkas would be happy with.

Given that One Day cricket is supposed to be a stepping-stone of sorts into the Test side, as well as a good way for fans with limited time to enjoy the game, this could be compared to a parent forgetting their childs birthday, or giving them some worn socks for Christmas.

Unlikely to be a gift from CA to One Day cricket

CA has claimed that one of the reasons for scheduling the competition in a one-month period is the lack of available pitches.  This seems bizarre given that they run the game & have access to the best pitches in Australia.  Even the aforementioned Quokkas (arguably the worst cricket team in history, though possibly the best club) can manage to get a ground.

Ryobi can't be best pleased with the value for money they are getting out of sponsoring the competition or its reception with fans and players, which is something other sponsors must be looking at.

Further, the Sheffield Shield competition (the matches played to prepare players for Test cricket) is being interrupted by a period months to allow CA to proudly show the Big Bash to the Australian market without the distraction of the two kids that everyone has been interested in for decades, or centuries.

With the Big Bash starting to make some commercial in-roads at the cost of the other formats of the game, it is almost a certainty that the quality of cricket will decline exponentially with the lack of competition, which will hurt the future of Cricket as a whole. 

To put it another way, the Big Bash's voice is going to break eventually, so it might be time to start thinking past the childrens choir.

This isn't to say that managing and marketing a national sport and three different formats of it is easy, but surely if you want to continue doing so (as in, still have a job), you could look at what works best in the short AND long term and make plans around that?

Former English batsmen Ed Smith recently wrote an excellent column about some simple steps that could be done to ensure interest in cricket, which included some basic Marketing steps around making each game an event. 

The Boxing Day test is one of the biggest sporting days of the year & it wouldn't be impossible to recreate this interest or awareness in other cricket matches, much in the same way that the AFL hs themed rounds, or soccer has about a million different competitions / cups?

Then again, maybe Cricket Australia just really hates cricket and is managing its execution through some excellent ineptness.

CA, inspired by John Candy movies since 1975

Sign of the Times: Ed Cowan can't take a trick

If it wasn't bad enough being dropped from the Test team, Ed Cowans luck seems to have left quicker than his strike rate if the screen grab below from melbournefc.com.au is anything to go by:

see second story in the news section. courtesy of melbournefc.com.au

Top 5: Reasons to support Hawthorn this weekend

It must be a very cold week in hell as for the first time in living memory; I will be supporting Hawthorn in a match.  It's not that I particularly like the "poos and wees", its just that I really dislike Fremantle Football Club.

I've blogged previously about my dislike for the Fremantle football club, but for those not inclined to read another diatribe, let me summarise:
1. Fremantle FC is the product of a Marketing plan, not a club that grew organically out of an existing community (which there was);
2. Fremantle FC is, therefore, a false product that the AFL has been peddling that the good people of Western Australia have been buying up in droves;
3. Fremantle FC apparently got sick of being a bit of a laughing stock of the league (read: trading the rights to Luke Hodge to Hawthorn for Trent Croad before losing Croad back to Hawthorn, not drafting Andrew McLeod, drafting Clive Waterhouse) so ungraciously sacked its coach and pinched another;
4. Said pinched coach managed to get the team to win, though with a very ugly game style that doesn't endear the game to anyone and will leave a forgettable legacy;
5. Their uniform and song are ridiculous.

Seen above, the old and improved Freo jumpers.  You tell me which is the improvement.

I realise that many of these criticisms can be pointed at other clubs, but this isn't about other clubs, its about the "Shockers".

And so, for this weekend only, I'm hoping they will be a happy team at Hawthorn.

Sign of the Times: Queensland needs to work on its Marketing

I've commented previously about the Marketing attempts of the South Australian government at drawing people to the state through the prospect of death in the woods, though it seems this may be a trend with State Governments, as evidenced by these Queensland plates spotted recently:

Queensland, just throw us away when you're done

Thought of the Day: England shouldn't be getting too chirpy ( & neither should Australia)

The completion of the Ashes series in England this week has allowed everyone involved to take a bit of a break from the game, go to bed a bit earlier and, in the case of some English players, do a little gardening.

Looking back on the series, the final result of 3-0 would indicate that England were the dominant team, though not as dominant as many in the media predicted at the start of the series.  Then again, it may be more of a reflection on how poor both teams actually are.  The Australian side may well have been the worst to visit England in recent times, but the side they were playing weren't as good as they were made out to be.

Not that they were as bad as the Quokkas CC

While England have now won 3 Ashes series in-a-row, they are hardly the might that the Australian team was during its dominant era, as badly as they may want to be.  Are Cook and Root the equal of Langer and Hayden? Hardly.  So let's drop that there.

Further, there was only one match in the series that England really dominated, the thrashing at Lords.  Credit cannot be taken from England for this game, they completely outplayed Australia, but this was the only game that they did.

England won the toss on 3 occasions and the weather stayed fine for all of these.  For the 2 occasions that Australia won the toss, draws eventuated that were very nearly wins.  Further, one of Englands wins was by 14 runs. Hardly dominance at all, particularly given the inconsistent make-up of the Australian team.

Australia used 17 players throughout the series, whereas England only used 14, with new players largely brought in to replace injured players rather than poor form.  The major exception here was the replacement of Stephen Finn by Tim Bresnan, which was an anomoly in a series that showed how shallow Englands back-up pool of players is. 

Englands talent pool.  Not shown: South Africa's talent pool.

While Australia was blooding new players and finding its best line-up, it still remained competitive.  England, on the other hand, looked increasingly dependent on the old-guard of Anderson, Broad, Prior, Petersen, Swann and Cook.  When this sextet failed or fell to injury, the lack of depth was further exposed.

The performance of Cook as Captain was particularly uninspiring for Cricket fans, with England playing for draws when winning was still achievable, providing some rather dull play.  This was particularly galling given the supposed difference in the quality of the teams.  This isn't to say that Clarke had a thrilling series, but at least he captained to win.

The final match of the series exemplified this approach best, with Australia declaring twice in the game to force a result despite Englands stoic play in the first innings.  That England almost provided an upset (through the cavalier Kevin Pietersen, not someone you could define as a loved member of the England team - or even as English) did not upset the balance of power for the game where Australia had control and the momentum.

"Hey Jacques, where do I get one of those shirts?"

While the England chase may provide them some momentum for the impending One Day tournament against Australia, Michael Clarke seems to have asserted his control over the series as the Captain in charge.

This isn't to say that Australia have anything to really gloat about.  While the much criticised batters seemed to finally work out their spots and how to play by the last Test, they were hardly convincing.  As one swallow does not make a summer, one Century does not make a great batsman, or in the case of Shane Watson - 3 Centuries in 7 years.

In all, this was a match closer series than we had anticipated, which is something that should be celebrated. With the next Ashes series only a matter of months away, we can surely expect a closer series on Australian shores, which is great for Cricket and Cricket Bloggers everywhere (because it's all about us).

Songs that Sound Similar 4

This one brought to you by the good folk at Buzzfeed:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/igold/did-you-know-how-similar-the-inspector-gadget-th-9r9p

Question of the day: Is this the end of chucking?

New Scientist magazine recently reported on an arm-brace that can tell whether a basketballer is shooting correctly.  This brace uses pre-defined biometrics such as arm and wrist position and the execution of the shot to determine how well the shooter is executing the action.

Given the on-going controversy of "chucking" in cricket (bowling with a bent arm) and the interpretation of the rules; does this technology offer the ability to finally rid the game of it?

Not naming names

Question of the Day: Where to now Australia?

The conclusion of the 4th Ashes Test in Durham saw England win by 74 runs in a game that had great moments of tension, though was decided by a combination of Australia's inability to bat and Englands (specifically Stuart Broads') ability to bowl.


The Australian bowlers mostly bowled well, though the form of Jackson Bird was in no way inspiring and he would be lucky to retain his spot for the next Test at the Oval.  Mitchell Starc, unlucky to be dropped for the Durham Test, would seem a natural inclusion.

The issue here is that, with James Pattinson out injured, there is no back-up for Ryan Harris should he (as expected) not be fit for playing 3 Tests in a row.  Harris has been Australia's best bowler on this tour and is arguably the best bowler playing in the Baggy Green for the last 4 years (when fit). 

If he isn't fit for the Oval Test, or if selectors just want to rest him ahead of the Australian summer, there is no-one left to bring in so a call may need to be made to South Africa where the Australian A side is playing some pyjama cricket.

Nathan Coulter-Nile could be the person with the longest name ever to play for Australia.

Still nothing on this guy

Shane Watsons newly injured hamstring is a bit of a blessing and a curse.  A curse in that he has been a very good bowling all-rounder in this series (nearly 50% of his overs are maidens) and scored a solid 60-odd batting at number 6, so is finally looking like the all-rounder he was originally picked as.

A blessing, though, in that fitting Watson in has been a pre-occupation of the team for the last 2 years with very little reward.  If he is unfit, it's a great opportunity to give young bowling all-rounder Luke Faulkner a go.

The big issue though, is (still) the batting.  The middle order is very much like a sandwich without the jam. 

Yes, as sad as this

While he has had some good innings, Steve Smith has only the 10th best batting average for the Test matches, while Usman Khawaja sits on 12th.  Phillip Hughes, who missed out in Durham, sits on 6th and may be given a go, but there is also some strength in the argument of giving these guys a proper go.

Steve Waugh debuted for Australia in 1985 at the age of 20 and was dropped in 1989 and then again in 1991 (for his brother), which led to a tougher attitude and approach to the game, and the small matter of over 10,000 runs scored.

While I'm not saying that Smith and Khawaja may turn into Steve Waugh, it is probably worth persevering with them until the long-lost and very talented twin brother of one (or both) turns up.

Thought of the Day: Plot for Star Wars 7 should basically be hide & seek

The announcement that Star Wars Episodes 7, 8 and 9 made earlier this year was met with excitement and nervousness by Star Wars fans everywhere.  And by Star Wars fans, I mean people who had to wait until they were in or past (or well past) their teenage years until they got to experience Episodes 1, 2 and 3 and Jar Jar Binks and Hayden Whatshisname from "Jumper".

I wasn't the only one that was disappointed that he didn't actually jump. Or get arrested by the Egyptian authorities.

The fact that Disney were producing the films was far from reassuring for most fans, given....well... the series' past inclusions of Jar Jar and Ewoks.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing ostensibly wrong with Ewoks, its just more than a little far (far away) fetched that an army of teddy bears could knock out a clone army of Maori bounty hunters.  That Lucas et al were prepared to include the Ewoks was more of a tip of a hat to merchandise sales than actual story development.

That being said, it was also soon announced that JJ Abrams would be in charge of the productions, leading to a sigh of relief from Star Wars fans who were familiar with the excellent work he has brought to the Star Trek franchise.

Including the important "cast Brits as bad guys" rule.

But what of the story line?  It was relatively easy to develop a story for the prequels to Star Wars as everyone knew that Anakin Skywalker would become Darth Vadar, there was something called the Clone Wars and The Republic, and lots of Jedi's - plenty of material to build a story around there.

Yet there have been no hints as to what may lay in the future for episodes 7, 8 and 9...sort of.  Given that R2D2 and C-3PO are droids, they could well be still around and serving drinks, performing translations for giant slugs and assisting with mass-murder.

Of the other characters, Han and Leia all went through significant character developments in the episodes 4-6 while Chewbacca seemed pretty level throughout.  Lando was a bit of a special guest star, while old Obi Wan and Yoda are now ghosts that seem to turn up to barbecues uninvited.

They didn't even bring a salad.

Which brings us to Luke.  As I've discussed earlier, Luke is a bit of a bad-ass, but there is a very good reason for this and this should be the key to the next episodes: Everyone close to Luke dies.

Think about it.  His mother died giving birth to him so he went to live with his Aunt and Uncle.  They died horrifically.  Obi-Wan then took him under his wing and he let himself be killed within about 60 minutes. 

In Episode 5, Luke is seen riding a Ton-Ton.  It gets friggin eaten. Then he goes to visit Yoda under the instructions of the now-dead Obi-Wan.  While it doesn't happen straight away, Yoda dies.  This has particular significance in that Yoda had been alive for over 800 years training Jedi, but a bit of exposure to old Luke Skywalker and he's off to the big barbecue in the sky.

Luke seems to cotton-on to what is going on by Episode 6 and is much more aloof and reserved than previously.  He even wears a lot more black so people won't notice him. 

The bright green lightsaber is a bit of a give-away though

Luke goes to see Jabba about freeing his friend and, due to Luke's evil scheming, Jabba and seemingly all of his friends die - some of them terribly (being digested by not just any Zarlac, but the almighty one).

Once his friends are liberated from the now-dead Jabba, Luke goes off to see Yoda (who now dies) rather than spend time with them.  Perhaps this is his kind side coming through, he is only killing one friend, rather than three.

At the end of 6, Luke finally reunites with his father after he takes him to visit the Emperor (who dies).  Then his father dies.

I'm sure even Luke was getting the idea by this stage & feeling pretty bad about this whole "friends" business.  So, transport the storyline 30 years and I'm pretty sure Luke will have moved himself to a Galaxy far, far away where there is no-one for him to befriend.  Or perhaps just no-one left to befriend.

To make it interesting, Leia and Han should try and bring him back to help with some smuggling or something, while Luke does his darnedest to avoid them.  Should make for some good chase scenes at least.

Question of the Day: Is BE Hendricks a Quokka?

Taken from the 7th over of the Australia A v South Africa A match at Pretoria.

Thought of the Day: Old Trafford Cricket Ground is a Death Trap!

Watching the Third Ashes Test between England and Australia at Old Trafford, I couldn't help but notice the stairs that the players had to climb to from their rooms to the ground (displayed behind David Warners ego, below):

Pictured, stairs & walking DRS referral

Given that this test was ended early by rain and that rain is something that is familiar to the Manchester area, I thought it was concerning that players wearing metal spikes on their shoes were expected to walk up (or down) 2 flights of potentially wet stairs while being encumbered by cricket bats, pads etc.

Is there no OH&S in England anymore?  What happened to political correctness gone mad?  Do we need a player to slip and fall to their death before action is taken?  If so, can we choose who it is?

Not naming names

Thought of the Day: The implementation of the DRS teaches us how to use it

I've always been quite fond of computers and technology and as such often get asked by family members to help with all things technical, whether it be set-up an email address, configure a router or set the clock on the microwave.  My success ratio at doing such things has led to a rapid decrease in requests of late, but that's another story.

The DRS is a technical system that enables a Cricket Umpire who isn't on the ground to review decisions made on the ground by watching what has occurred on a TV, using footage of the game taken at different angles.  So far, the implementation of the DRS has been as successful as my own self at helping record future episodes of Matlock and so on.

Missing those eyebrows every damn day

One of the large issues with the DRS has been that teams are never sure when to use it, the limited number of referrals means that there is an extra degree of confidence needed when using them, which creates other issues - such as the level of faith a captain has in his bowlers or that batsmen have in themselves.

Shane Watson encapsulates the issues with DRS at what can only be so regularly that it seems like it may in fact be his full-time job.  That being said, Cricket is looking increasingly like it isn't his job, so I dare say he needs a back-up plan.

Watson is in a unique position in that he is an all-rounder who opens the batting (sometimes). This gives his the opportunity to use the DRS reviews as no-one else has gotten a chance to yet.  Combined with Watsons' self-confidence and (apparent) lack of team-play has exacerbated the view that he plays for himself and not the best interest in the team.  Well, he propensity to run-out team-mates doesn't help either.

As a bowler, Watson needs his captains approval to use the DRS when he believes that he has a batsmen out when an umpire doesn't, which is pretty often.  Unfortunately for Watson, his captain doesn't share his love of Watson, so has to turn him down - regardless of the accuracy of the decision.

Clarke, seen here using the Jedi mind trick on Watson, demonstrating his confidence in him.

With all these extra issues caused by the DRS, the simplest solution may simply be to not use it and trust the umpires.  Similar to a relative who may be of use but ends up taping "Home Improvement" instead of "Eurovision", it may be best just to leave these things to the experts (the Umpires) and not worry about the solutions that just cause more issues.

Thought of the Day: Wattos' Christmas Gift?

Though, once again, it seems Christmas can't come soon enough.