Top 5: Issues with Billy Joels 'Piano Man'

Billy Joel is a very successful sing-songwriter & if you haven't heard of him it's probably because you're from outer-space, and even then you can probably still receive easy listening radio fairly easily.

One of Joels' biggest hits has been "Piano Man", ostensibly a song describing the experience of a singer in a down-and-out bar for what could be any Saturday evening, told in the first person. The song reached #4 position on the US adult billboards and was also Joels first single; so quite the accomplishment.

Despite all of this success, I have some serious issues with the lyrics of this song, namely:

5. 
"There's an old man sitting next to me
Making love to his tonic and gin"

What the hell kind of bar is this?  And in what sort of bar do people do this sort of thing (gineality? booziality?) out in the open?  


And why is the Piano Man so OK with it?  He's just singing away as the bloke next to him is getting some post-bar action while still in the bar with his drink.

4. "Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me"
As a smile ran away from his face"


What kind of person is this Piano Man?  While the old bloke next him is mounting an aperitif, the Piano Man has one of his mates fetching him drinks at no cost, which is actually killing said friend.  

Does the Piano Man care that his friend is dying from fetching his drinks? No.  He just notices the emotions that his friend is displaying.  The Piano Man is either an incredibly hard bastard,  or has absolutely no EQ at all.

3. 
"
He says, "Son can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet
And I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes" 
"
Apart from the bloke getting it on with the drinks being served, the rest of the customers at this place seem to have a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock too.  

The patron in question from this lyric has requested a song while giving absolutely no queue as to what the song might be, just that he used to know it while he was wearing someone else's clothes.  Almost to infuriate the Piano Man, he then indicates that the clothes he was wearing belonged to someone younger than him, as if that would narrow down the selection of songs available.

4.
"
And the piano sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar

"
OK, to start with; the piano sounds like a carnival?  I've heard of a piano being out of tune before, but this is ridiculous!  How does a piano sound like a carnival?  Is the Piano Man actually delusional and just at a carnival, or does the piano actually have rides, pop corn stands and those stupid water shooting games where you blow up balloons?

As for the microphone smelling like a beer, lets get some perspective. A microphone is an electronic instrument, mostly made out of metal.  Things that smell like beer are commonly breath, clothes or couches.  2 out 3 things in that list are made of fabric, which a microphone is not. For a microphone to smell like beer, it must be seriously doused in beer to retain the smell.  The Piano Man is working in a death trap and surely facing electrocution from a beer soaked, electrical microphone.

This bar is an OH&S nightmare.

Finally, the customers are putting bread in his jar.  They are supposed to be tipping with cash, not bread, are they hobos?  I'm starting to develop serious concerns with this establishment.

5.
" And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To forget about life for a while
"


OK, now I get it, the Piano Man actually is a lunatic, working in a bar populated by lunatics.  Of course the Manager is smiling at him, he is working for the crusty old bread that his gin-humping patrons stick in his jar while he works at risk of electrocution at a piano that is ridiculously out of tune.

Thought of the Day: Cricket Australia REALLY hates Cricket

Following on from my last post on Cricket Australia's (CA's) appalling approach to developing and marketing the game in Australia, this little Tweet came to my attention on the weekend:

That's right; over 100,000 people turned up to watch the Australian domestic soccer league last weekend, while less than 1,000 turned up to watch the Ryobi cup (the domestic one-day tournament).

Granted, there were more soccer league games being played, but even the average number of attendees at the soccer far outweighed those at the cricket games.

Keep in mind that it wasn't too long ago that the domestic soccer league in Australia was an absolute shambles and Cricket was the only summer sport, now the tables have turned on the back of some good management (soccer) and some equally poor administration (guess!).

The ridiculous scheduling of the Ryobi cup has been defended by CA as a good way of preparing players for a World Cup type tournament, though this seems odd given that the Cricket World Cup is usually played in front of large crowds.

Foreground: Ryobi Cup action. Background: Ryobi Cup crowd.

Stranger still is that the Ryobi cup ends in a matter of weeks, meaning the time between the World Cup and many of these players' next One Day game is a minimum of a year away.

Another strange excuse that CA has trotted out is that there aren't enough grounds available at the moment to host the event.  Given that all of the major winter sports have finished, I'm really not sure how this stacks up.  The American Baseball league manages to play games seemingly everyday all over that continent, why can't the same be done here?

While CA may truly hate the game, many of us don't and would prefer that it not only survived, but flourished.

Also, it helps keep Shahid Afridi well fed.

With that in mind, I'd like to propose the following changes to Cricket Australias summer schedule.  In the event of their being fixture clashes in the same city, games should be moved to appropriate regional venues to promote the game there.

Test Cricket:

• 6 Tests to be played every year from October to the end of January;
• 1 Test to be played in every Capital City;
• Each Test to be promoted as an event in its own rite (e.g. the McGrath foundations day at the Sydney Test);
• Hobart to host the New Years Test to coincide with the end of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race;
• Sydney to host the last Test over the Australia Day weekend;
• Where a 6-Test series cannot be played, 2 x 3 Test Series can be played against different countries

One Day Cricket:

• Return to a limited 3-team series to be played between the end of January and the end of February;
• Games to be played in all capital cities with a best of 3 final series;
• Games to be played mid-week, allowing people to go after work, and on weekends - limited Sunday games.

T20 Internationals:

• Limited games (1 or 2) to be played at the end of February, ending the season.

Sheffield Shield:

• Season to be played from October to end of February;
• Season to continue during BBL and other corresponding fixtures, giving opportunity to new players;
• No age restrictions on teams fielded;
• Proper pitches prepared to enable 4 day games & results.

Ryobi Cup:

• To be played mid-week or book-ending Shield games (people should be able to watch a game of cricket, free, every night);
• To be played at regional grounds with heavy promotion to ensure interest / attendance;
• Free to air coverage to continue

Big Bash League

• To continue being scheduled and played as it is, though sharing the limelight / grounds and players of the other leagues;
• Where players prefer to play T20 to other games, they should be allowed to, but not forced to.

A message to the Melbourne Football Club....

....just "find and replace" Cleveland Browns with Melbourne Demons

Thought of the Day: Cricket Australia hates Cricket

It's not uncommon for parents to have a favourite or preferred child and its not necessarily a bad thing, so long as the other child or children don't know it and aren't disadvantaged in any way.  After all, having a resentful child in the same house may pose a risk to the safety of baby Adonis.

With these guidelines in mind, it seems that Cricket Australia is a very, very poor parent indeed.

Governance, Cricket Australia style

Cricket Australia's remit is to manage and promote the game in Australia, if for no other reason than to keep themselves in a job.  Other benefits such as ensuring historical legacy is maintained, keeping the populace happy and participating in sport are also nice too - but don't pay the bills.

Now, I'm not sure how big CA's bills are, but it would appear that they must be considerable given the way that CA can't seem to look past a fast buck for the long term benefit of the game (and themselves).

The advent of Twenty20 cricket brought this apparent short-sightedness to the fore initially when CA abandoned the state-based T20 competition, removing over a century of tradition, and replaced it with a fabricated club competition.  Worse still, there were multiple clubs in some cities (e.g. Melbourne Stars and the Melbourne Renegades), causing consternation for fans around who to follow (often resulting them in following neither), while also depriving fans in other cities and towns a chance of having a team to follow.

The new T20 competition, the Big Bash, ran at a loss for its first few years but picked up last summer and seemed to get adequate crowds in and television numbers.  I don't really know, I've never watched a game; amongst other things, I still can't decide between the Renegades and the Stars.

Appealing characters and dropped catches?  How to choose? (photo courtesy of www.theroar.com.au)

Wanting to get as much out of this new golden child as much as they can, CA have now moved the schedules for their other children (One Day cricket and Test cricket) around, to the detriment of all of them.

The (still) State-based One Day competition, the Ryobi cup, has now been squeezed into a month-long tournament that is being played out of western Sydney during the middle of the week in front of crowds that The Quokkas would be happy with.

Given that One Day cricket is supposed to be a stepping-stone of sorts into the Test side, as well as a good way for fans with limited time to enjoy the game, this could be compared to a parent forgetting their childs birthday, or giving them some worn socks for Christmas.

Unlikely to be a gift from CA to One Day cricket

CA has claimed that one of the reasons for scheduling the competition in a one-month period is the lack of available pitches.  This seems bizarre given that they run the game & have access to the best pitches in Australia.  Even the aforementioned Quokkas (arguably the worst cricket team in history, though possibly the best club) can manage to get a ground.

Ryobi can't be best pleased with the value for money they are getting out of sponsoring the competition or its reception with fans and players, which is something other sponsors must be looking at.

Further, the Sheffield Shield competition (the matches played to prepare players for Test cricket) is being interrupted by a period months to allow CA to proudly show the Big Bash to the Australian market without the distraction of the two kids that everyone has been interested in for decades, or centuries.

With the Big Bash starting to make some commercial in-roads at the cost of the other formats of the game, it is almost a certainty that the quality of cricket will decline exponentially with the lack of competition, which will hurt the future of Cricket as a whole. 

To put it another way, the Big Bash's voice is going to break eventually, so it might be time to start thinking past the childrens choir.

This isn't to say that managing and marketing a national sport and three different formats of it is easy, but surely if you want to continue doing so (as in, still have a job), you could look at what works best in the short AND long term and make plans around that?

Former English batsmen Ed Smith recently wrote an excellent column about some simple steps that could be done to ensure interest in cricket, which included some basic Marketing steps around making each game an event. 

The Boxing Day test is one of the biggest sporting days of the year & it wouldn't be impossible to recreate this interest or awareness in other cricket matches, much in the same way that the AFL hs themed rounds, or soccer has about a million different competitions / cups?

Then again, maybe Cricket Australia just really hates cricket and is managing its execution through some excellent ineptness.

CA, inspired by John Candy movies since 1975

Sign of the Times: Ed Cowan can't take a trick

If it wasn't bad enough being dropped from the Test team, Ed Cowans luck seems to have left quicker than his strike rate if the screen grab below from melbournefc.com.au is anything to go by:

see second story in the news section. courtesy of melbournefc.com.au

Top 5: Reasons to support Hawthorn this weekend

It must be a very cold week in hell as for the first time in living memory; I will be supporting Hawthorn in a match.  It's not that I particularly like the "poos and wees", its just that I really dislike Fremantle Football Club.

I've blogged previously about my dislike for the Fremantle football club, but for those not inclined to read another diatribe, let me summarise:
1. Fremantle FC is the product of a Marketing plan, not a club that grew organically out of an existing community (which there was);
2. Fremantle FC is, therefore, a false product that the AFL has been peddling that the good people of Western Australia have been buying up in droves;
3. Fremantle FC apparently got sick of being a bit of a laughing stock of the league (read: trading the rights to Luke Hodge to Hawthorn for Trent Croad before losing Croad back to Hawthorn, not drafting Andrew McLeod, drafting Clive Waterhouse) so ungraciously sacked its coach and pinched another;
4. Said pinched coach managed to get the team to win, though with a very ugly game style that doesn't endear the game to anyone and will leave a forgettable legacy;
5. Their uniform and song are ridiculous.

Seen above, the old and improved Freo jumpers.  You tell me which is the improvement.

I realise that many of these criticisms can be pointed at other clubs, but this isn't about other clubs, its about the "Shockers".

And so, for this weekend only, I'm hoping they will be a happy team at Hawthorn.

Sign of the Times: Queensland needs to work on its Marketing

I've commented previously about the Marketing attempts of the South Australian government at drawing people to the state through the prospect of death in the woods, though it seems this may be a trend with State Governments, as evidenced by these Queensland plates spotted recently:

Queensland, just throw us away when you're done