Top 5: Ways the ECB can get more English (and win!)

With the Australian home cricket season now at a close, its a fitting time to look back at what was an entertaining Summer of cricket, unless you were an English (or Welsh) cricket fan.

There was plenty of exciting Cricket played across all 3 formats, with the highlight of the summer undoubtedly being the performances of Mitchell Johnson in the Test series, bowling with aggression at pace & forcing results from the matches.

He was, of course, well backed-up by his teammates and captain but as a spectacle; Johnson really made the Summer for cricket fans.

As the old adage goes: "Bowlers win matches, Batsmen save them".

For the other team, though, it wasn't such a great time.  The English (and Welsh) side seemed out of step from the moment they arrived in Australia and lost any sense of rhythm that they had from there.

While having a lack of rhythm isn't something new to the English, in fact its almost as English as bad teeth and Bovril, their Cricket side seems to be trying to dance to a song they don't know.

What they need to do is be themselves more and play to their strengths.  With that in mind, here are my Top 5 ways they can do so:

5. The stiff upper lip
It was ironic that Graeme Swann packed up his bat and ball and went home when things were going badly for him on the team, because he seemed the best scrapper and team man on the side. He certainly had a chin that could take knocks, or at least one you could rest a full tea-set on.

Graeme Swanns Chin, seen here with GS (photo courtesy of smhcom.au)

By the end of the tour the English Captain, Alastair Cook, sounded like he was more interested in seeing some sheep than a cricket ball.  And they say we are the ones with strange nocturnal habits regarding lifestock.

No, what Cook needed to do was stick his furry chin out and let all and sunder know that England would prevail.


4. Drink some bloody tea
Forget all this sports-science mumbo-jumbo & overpriced cordial, get back to the basics of the game.  Go & stand around in a paddock for a couple of hours, then come in for tea.

Cricket isn't a complicated game, but it is a technical one.  You hardly need 5 litres of sugary water running through your system, charts on pies consumed (pie charts...anyone?) or other overly-analysed aspects of the game.

Former English coach Andy Flower was obviously pretty strict on these things but, when the majority of the game is spent watching other people 'doing it', it's probably more important that the players are happy...or in the case of the English; content.

England has the Barmy Army, pubs, great beers, weird and eccentric festivals and an appreciation of a good time despite the weather and previously mentioned teeth.  Their team needs to embrace that.

Pip Pip boys!

3. Dress appropriately
Aside from bad teeth, England does have a strong history of dressing well, or at least of determining what dressing well means.

Though there are exceptions to the rule.

Too often this summer the English were seen with their collars popped and very nearly choking them.  At times it was almost impossible to work out where Swann and Matt Prior were, though to be fair neither did play for the entire series.

England needs to go back and embrace its Cricketing mode of times gone by.  Australia has embraced (or created) the mystique of the Baggy Green, which gives its players a sense of belonging and representing something greater than a person who can bat, bowl or field well.

England has had some of the best-dressed cricketers in history, as well as a proud tradition of wearing county and club uniforms.  Bring them back I say, let the players show where they are from and be themselves.

The odd cravat here or there could go a long way and could help the English get a foot-up in expressing their dominance over their past colonial outpost.

It worked for this bastard.

2. Stand on the shoulders of greatness
If nothing else (apart from bad teeth), England has a proud history of strong leadership; from Boudica, to Nelson, to Chuchill.  Now, these characters weren't flawless but they didn't live in flawless times.

The English (and Welsh) cricket team seemed utterly rudderless while it was in Australia, team meetings occurred all over the pitch, senior players left mid-tour, catches were dropped, shoulders were shrugged, heads dropped and defensive fields were set.

Kevin Pietersen, arguably the best player in the team, was dropped following the losing series as he is apparently a disruptive element in the team.  One would argue that Kevin has been similar for his entire career & so the problem with minimising his disruption would lie at the feet of the teams leadership.

After being a terrible Cricket team in the early-and-mid eighties, Australia's then-captain Allan Border almost single-handedly dragged it out of the mire and set it on its way.  He handed the team to Mark Taylor who continued its tradjectory before handing it to Steve Waugh, who turned it into a team of immortals.  We won't mention what happened when Ricky Ponting took over.

Regardless, Englands last great captain who managed to drag his team up and win the Ashes for the first time in 18 years is now in a commentary position & in a great place to take over.  The results of what happens when you hand the English team to a foppy, if-likeable person are obvious.

Not naming names

 It's time to bring out the new Nelson.

Another winning bastard.

1. Close the Tunnel
It was much-talked about while the English (and Welsh) team was in Australia, and Mark
Nicholas gave some rambling half-hearted excuse for it, but England has too many players that aren't English.

This isn't just impacting the English team, but Cricket in general.  The West Indies are still in a bad way in a Cricketing sense & would greatly benefit from having Chris Jordan (who moved to England at 18) play for them.

The Irish Cricket team, who recently beat the West Indies and who have qualified for the next Cricket World Cup, are a team on the rise that need to increase the exposure of their sport & the number of marketable games played.  Having Boyd Rankin & Eoin Morgan (touted as a possible Captain of England) in their side would allow them to do so.

As much as Nicholas dithers about "England being a multi-cultural country and so has players from many different countries", the reality is that the English (and Welsh) cricket board has no hesitation in identifying first-class players from other countries and offering them packages to entice them in playing for England.

Aside from upsetting the balance of talent in the International realm, this must have an impact on home-grown players.  Why bother pretending having pride in playing for your country when your boss obviously doesn't?

The English (and Welsh) Cricket Board would do well to focus on home grown players, particularly if they are poaching the worst cricketer in the world.